When I start watching a movie or a drama I always skip the complicated parts and watch the happy endings. I tend to avoid dramas or movies with sad endings. I ignore sad things like Donald Trump used to ignore Muslims and I am always terrified of dying. I am not afraid of death but I am afraid of dying. The stage between being dead and alive is what I fear the most. I am afraid I won’t be able to watch my favorite people die. I have considered death as something traumatizing as I have never seen people die in front of me. I was the first daughter of my parents their only daughter I was raised like those Disney princess not spoiled but loved. All my life I have known warmth and appreciation. I wish I could skip the complicated parts of my life like that 5 second YouTube Ad (which by the way is quite annoying). Until yesterday when I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed I saw a status. It was something like a guy went to his friend’s house as his father died he went there to check up on his friend expecting to see him devastated but when he went there he saw his friend calmly watching his father as the people carried him away he asked his friend how he could be so calm and he replied that his father has been paralyzed for a long time and suffered from insomnia, he was happy to see his father calmly sleeping after so long. He said he was relieved seeing his father resting and saying death is always painful to people sometimes being dead is much easier than being alive. That’s when it hit me that all this time I was afraid of death and thought it was traumatizing but it is beautiful sometimes like a 500 metre race. You run those 500 metres you face hurdles, you feel happy when you pass some competitors but at the end of the day you run only to reach the finish line. And now I am less afraid of it I am not completely over my fears but now I am able to acknowledge it and accept it. We all have our sunrises but the sun must set too.
I used to be thrilled thinking how much of a tiny effect I had on this universe. I feared oblivion before doing anything I used to ask myself “What are you doing? no one will remember you anyways”. I felt I was a nobody in this huge universe whatever I did had no effect on others. Now that I have grown up I still think the same but I have come through modifications I might be a nobody in this huge universe I am somebody in this small colony of my small country. I am someone to my neighbors I am someone to my fellow mates of my area. I might not matter in this huge universe but it’s never too late to create a small infinity of my own.
